occasionally, good things do happen to me. they’re so few and far between that they seem extra great when they come along. something i’ve really needed happened today and i am beyond ecstatic. still a long way to go, though, so lots of work to be done for the next few days and beyond. 

in other news, all this stress i’ve been under lately has caused my totally batshit crazy side to resurface at all the wrong times and i think i may have permanently fucked everything up with a certain friend. if life doesn’t make you insane, love certainly will. i really wish he could understand how much he means to me and how desperately i want him in my life. maybe then he could be more forgiving of my freakouts. i just really want some attention from him and when i need him to be my friend most, he’s never available. i know, logically, i should just cut my losses and call it done, but there’s too much history and too much of a pull. i can’t forget how we used to be or how he was my best friend. i can’t make myself believe that guy isn’t still in there somewhere. i miss him so much it sometimes feels like he’s dead. 

okay, back to the trying to be positive. time to get ready to go meet up with someone. i’ll just keep repeating to myself, “Soon you will have everything you could ever want. Keep trying.” fingers crossed, y’all.